Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Mommy, make me a sandwich.

What is it about men who can’t make themselves a sandwich? They claim they could do it, but their wife or girlfriend makes it so much better than they could. Let’s be honest, these men are either too lazy or were too spoiled by their mommies to make the damn sandwich themselves. Instead of trying to sound all macho and say, “Bitch, make me a sandwich,” what they really should say is, “Mommy, make me ah sandwich. I’m hongry.” How hard is it to make a sandwich? Two slices of bread, slap some condiments on the bread, put some sandwich meat in between the slices of bread, maybe add some tomato and lettuce, and you have a fucking sandwich. You don’t have to be Anthony Bourdain to figure it out. My mother made me sandwiches when I was a child. I wasn’t fussy about the sandwiches. I didn’t even need her to cut the crust off the bread. As soon as I figured out how to make my own, she no longer made my sandwiches. I could take care of myself. I wasn’t a fucking baby. Plus, I could decide exactly how I wanted the fucking sandwich. When I lived alone I learned to cook. It’s something grown-ups do. They learn to feed themselves with something other than pizza and cereal. If a man is too childish to prepare real food, then he should only be allowed to order chicken strips when he goes out to dinner. A steak would be too much for that little man boy to handle. Now let’s cover the really creepy part. If a man is asking his wife or girlfriend to take care of him like his mommy did, then he’s asking the woman he sticks his dick into to be his mommy. Does he really want to fuck his mommy? When his mommy made him sandwiches on demand as a child, did he get a little boy boner watching her prepare the sandwich? I know some mommies insist on babying their boys and making the sandwich is a show of love, and that’s fine to let her continue to baby them when they come to visit her, but outside of her kitchen, the man has to be a fucking grown-up man and make his own damn sandwich.