Sunday, November 29, 2015

My impression of the Republican candidates

Jeb Bush: My brother George left behind a big stinking mess. Give me a chance to make it bigger.


Donald Trump: I'm not really a racist asshole. I just play one on TV.


Chris Christie: See what petty bullying can do for you.


Marco Rubio: My baby face will distract you from my old policies.


Ted Cruz: Compared to me, Joe McCarthy was an amateur.


Carly Fiorina:  No more baby parts!


Ben Carson: Me and Jesus used to double date.


Rand Paul: Sure I'm crazy but I'm not as crazy as the Republican lunatics I'm running against.


Mike Huckabee: No more Mr. Nice Republican. It's time to let the big dog eat.


Rick Santorum: The white Ben Carson.


Lindsey Graham: Please let me bomb somebody. Anybody.


John Katich: The closest thing to a voice of reason that the Republicans are ever going to get.


George Pataki: Admit, it, it's fun to say Pataki. And that's why you should vote for me.


Jim Gilmore: If I told you I was related to the Gilmore Girls would you vote for me?

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