Sunday, November 29, 2015

My impression of the Republican candidates

Jeb Bush: My brother George left behind a big stinking mess. Give me a chance to make it bigger.

Donald Trump: I'm not really a racist asshole. I just play one on TV.

Chris Christie: See what petty bullying can do for you.

Marco Rubio: My baby face will distract you from my old policies.

Ted Cruz: Compared to me, Joe McCarthy was an amateur.

Carly Fiorina:  No more baby parts!

Ben Carson: Me and Jesus used to double date.

Rand Paul: Sure I'm crazy but I'm not as crazy as the Republican lunatics I'm running against.

Mike Huckabee: No more Mr. Nice Republican. It's time to let the big dog eat.

Rick Santorum: The white Ben Carson.

Lindsey Graham: Please let me bomb somebody. Anybody.

John Katich: The closest thing to a voice of reason that the Republicans are ever going to get.

George Pataki: Admit, it, it's fun to say Pataki. And that's why you should vote for me.

Jim Gilmore: If I told you I was related to the Gilmore Girls would you vote for me?

So you hate Obama

That’s okay. I hated George Bush. In fact, I still hate George Bush just as I suspect you’ll continue hating Obama years after he’s been out of office. I hate George Bush for stealing the election. Don’t come up with those lame excuses. The Supreme Court stole the election for George Bush. I hate George Bush for trying to steal Social Security. I hate George Bush for lying to get the country to go to war with Iraq. I hate George Bush for being such a fucking wimp; he let Dick Cheney do whatever the fuck his mechanical heart wished to do. I hate George Bush for saying that the thing that hurts the most from when he was president was when Kanye said, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” So having an entertainer hurt his precious feelings was more painful than 9-11, Katrina, the Iraq War, and the war in Afghanistan?  God that makes me hate him even more. I hate him for acting tough rather than being tough. If he was so tough then why didn’t he screen people who came to his town hall meetings to make sure there were only people there who supported him? He was too much of a pussy to face the public. He was too much of a pussy to handle Helen Thomas. Oh and back to Kanye’s statement about Bush not caring about black people. Kanye was wrong. George Bush didn’t care about anybody who didn’t vote for him. He never tried to be the president for all the people, just those who kissed his little white ass. He was a smug, arrogant little man trying to be a big man and failed miserably. He was an embarrassment. I hate him. But then you hate Obama because he made sure I can get insurance. You hate Obama because he covered up Benghazi when he didn’t. You hate Obama for taking the stinking pile of shit George Bush left him and cleaning most of it up. I admit Obama hasn’t cleaned up all of Bush’s leftover crap, there’s just too much of it. So go ahead, hate Obama. You will never hate him as much as I hate Bush and the Republican party that breeds men like him.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

In honor of Ed Boling

Ed Boling was president of the University of Tennessee from 1970 to 1988. He died at the age of 93 on June 18, 2015. I was a student at UT when Boling was president. I did a cartoon strip for the school paper called "Dr. Jimmy." I added President Boling to some of my strips. In one series of strips, I turned him into an egg and called him Egg Roling. I got so used to that name I had a hard time calling him by his real name. Here are a few of the strips featuring Egg, I mean Ed.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Tick Talk

I was talking to a friend about growing up in the south and we got on the subject of ticks. She asked if my parents checked me for ticks when I came in from outside playing. I said no, but they did check my breath for bacon. I grew up in a Kosher home.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Meet the enemy

Smug. Arrogant. Intolerable. Stubborn. Prejudiced. Has no understanding of the other side and makes no effort to understand. Elitist. Uneducated. Too educated. Out of touch. Just plain wrong. Can you guess who used these descriptions to describe the opposition? Was it Liberal or Conservative? Democrat or Republican? Black or White? Doesn’t matter which one you choose because you’re right either way. I have seen these words used to describe both sides. We view each other with the same assumptions. I was reminded of the classic Pogo saying, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” We are our own worst enemy. We divide ourselves. Worse, we dehumanize each other. I watch politicians play a version of capture the flag and their only goal is to win. They aren’t public servants. They have no grand goals to lead their country. They only want us to rile us up enough to get re-elected. All the posturing is done to ensure job security. We have made compromise a dirty word. If you even concede a point then you’ve lost the argument and we all want to win the argument. I have no idea what we win. A chance to feel smug?

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Off the Grid

I have friends who won't use the internet. They don't want the government tracking their every move. They want to stay off the grid as much as possible. I respect their desire for privacy. We're losing more and more of it all the time. Sadly, its impossible to hide. If the government could find Ted Kaczynski in a cabin without electricity or running water in a remote part of Lincoln, Montana, they can find anyone. As for me, I try to limit who I share my information with as much as I possibly can. But what really frustrates me are my friends who refuse to have email. They can only be reached by snail mail or by a landline and often that information is outdated. Sadly, I can go online and pay some service to track them down, but then I feel like the Big Brother boogie man they're trying to hide from. I'm all over the internet. I do it because I need to promote my writing. I can't afford to hide and frankly I don't want to.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Forget, Hell!

Having grown up in the South, I suppose I should weigh in on the controversy surrounding the Confederate flag. For me the most representative image of the side that supports the flag is the Rebel soldier holding the Confederate flag saying "Forget Hell!" More commonly I saw it spelled "Fergit? Hell!" Growing up with that image, it was years before I understood what it meant. The South felt the North was telling them to get over their loss and move on. The South had no intention of moving on. It has here that I got a bit confused. The South wanted to remember that they lost the war? As I got older, I understood why. The South doesn't want to stop arguing about the war. They still believe they were justified for going to war and should have won. They were wronged by the North. If ever I saw a couple in need of marriage therapy, its the North and the South. There is hatred involved. Hatred caused by the shame of losing. That's the southern heritage. But getting back to the flag. I think anyone who wants to have a Confederate flag should have one or two or a million. They should be free to paint it on the side of their house if they want to. I feel the same way about the Nazi swastika. Buy a Nazi flag if you want one. I will hate you and despise you for doing so, but that's your business. If you put it on your business, then I won't buy from you. Same with the Confederate flag. If you have it on your place of business, then I won't buy from you. If you have enough customers to where losing my business doesn't matter then you won't care. If you live in a small town of like minded people that's fine. If you live in a larger city then it will be a problem. That's the other thing. Most of the people who support the flag live in isolated areas. They don't have to deal directly with the world at large. Its kind of like living in a cave or under a rock. If that's where you feel safe then so be it. Where I do object to the flag is when it is put up by the representatives of the United States of America government. Why in the hell would the U.S.A. fly the flag of their enemy? Here again, we might as well put up a Nazi flag while we're at it. We defeated them too. If you say, well the South was part of America before and rejoined. But the Confederacy declared war on the United States of America. Keep the flag off government buildings. That's one very good reason. Another good reason is because the flags we fly over government buildings should represent all the people of that state and our country. The Confederate flag doesn't represent all the people of the South. It is not the heritage of all the people of the South. It's certainly not my heritage. My grandfather was the first of my family to come to America in the early 1900s. The Civil War was over. My family didn't own slaves or fight for farming rights or any of that. My grandfather came here for freedom and to escape tyranny. The South claims that's what they were fighting for, but then that whole slavery thing busts that argument to hell. When it comes to Forget Hell! I don't forget the slavery part. So fly your flag, but keep it to yourself. Show respect for the rest of the South.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Catholics I don't hate

I saw this article on the CatholicVote site titled “People I don’t hate.” The writer may not hate these people, but its obvious he feels that he’s morally better than them. His article inspired me to write my own thoughts about Catholics. I don’t hate Catholics, but there are some Catholics that I’m not too fond of. Okay, there are some that I hate. I admit it. I’m weak. I can’t help it. I hate Catholic priests who sexually abuse the children of their congregation. I hate that the church protected these priests for decades. When a priest says that he didn’t realize that sex with children was illegal, I hate that motherfucker and hope he dies a painful death. I hate that when a Catholic person marries someone of a different faith, the church won’t allow the married couple to be buried next to each other. For a group that claims to honor marriage so highly, the difference in religion should be overlooked. I don’t hate the Catholics who define marriage as between one man and one woman or that the only purpose for marriage is for procreation. If they want to view themselves as Catholic breeding stock, that’s their business. Personally, I think it demeans the love and devotion between two people aspect of marriage by reducing it to whether the wife has a working uterus and the husband has a sufficient sperm count. As long as you get the pure bred Catholics out of it then they see themselves as doing God’s work. However, I do hate Catholics who claim to love Gays and childless by choice couples who wish to marry, but then proceed to smugly insult the fuck out of them for not following God’s plan according to their beliefs. They may really they love those people, but the sure as hell don’t respect them. Their beliefs define them, but respect that people have other beliefs. Catholics don’t share my beliefs, but I don’t hate them for that. But I respect their beliefs and I hate that they don’t respect mine.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

The Latino vote

I've been reading that in the next presidential election capturing the Latino vote is crucial to win. I've also read that Republican candidates are doing their best to court Latinos. So how does a Republican candidate approach Latinos? He could start by saying, "Hey, I'm from the party that lumps you all together as lazy, illegal, job stealing, baby anchoring, troublemakers who should be rounded up and sent back to where you came from. In fact, I'd send you back myself, but I enjoy the money I save by only paying you slave wages too much. Now vote for me! The dream killer!" Can't wait to find out.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Where to find Jesus 5

I found Jesus eating my Fruity Pebbles with Barney Rubble.

Where to find Jesus 4

I found Jesus just as he left Chicago and he was bound for New Orleans. He was drinking something that he claimed was wine but it looked like muddy water to me.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Where to find Jesus 3

I found Jesus officiating a gay wedding in Alabama. That guy is so cool!

Where to find Jesus 2

I found Jesus on sale at Target. I went in to buy a toaster and there He was. I totally forgot to get a toaster.

Where to find Jesus 1

I found Jesus parking cars in Wichita. He looked good.