Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Headlines


I saw a headline that Ann Coulter said something outrageous and rude. Why is that news? They might as well have a headline that reads: Sun rises in East and sets in West. Coulter’s job is to make rude comments about people who are supposedly her ideological enemies. I’d like to think she employs a staff of writers who pitch her the most vile heinous comments they can come up with and then she chooses which one is the worst and goes on TV and says it.

The point is, if you do something over and over again, then its not news.

If the news is going to cover stories that are so repetitious that all they have to do is take an old story and change the date, then here are some suggestions for their next headlines:

SNOOP LION LIKES TO SMOKE POT.

GEORGE CLOONEY HAS A HOT NEW BEARD, I MEAN GIRLFRIEND.


And why not just drop the pretense that the headline refers to something new. It might be more comforting to know some things in life are still constant. Here are some examples:

MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD.

ELEN DEGENERES IS STILL A LESBIAN.

I STILL LIKE YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIES.


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