Sunday, June 5, 2011

Jelly Doughnuts

One day I got an unexpected phone call from my favorite television graphics company. Normally, fishing expeditions from production houses annoy the crap out of me, but I always enjoyed talking to their sales rep no matter what the occasion. The rep was (and I suppose still is) a lovely woman whom I will name Sally.

I let Sally know right away that I didn’t have any upcoming projects that needed graphics. We continued to chat anyway. Sally told me that my former boss, Mitch, was coming to town for a video shoot with her company. She suggested I should come by the shoot, say hello to Mitch, and take advantage of the junk food from craft services.

I certainly wanted to catch up with Mitch, but I didn’t feel right about invading his video shoot. I told her I’d give him a call and see if he was available for dinner after the shoot.

“Are you sure about that?” Sally asked. “We have lots of good things to eat on our craft services table.”

“I’m sure you do,” I said, getting into the joking spirit. If you were on a shoot and not part of the crew, it wasn’t unusual to find yourself passing the long hours by gorging on the stacks of junk food provided by craft services.

“If I know Mitch,” I added, “he’ll be at the table most of the day, stuffing his mouth with jelly doughnuts.”

“I never would have guessed that Mitch was a doughnut man,” Sally said.

I had no idea what Mitch thought of jelly doughnuts. I just brought up the donuts because there always seemed to be a box on every craft table I’d ever seen. The jelly donuts were usually never touched and rock hard by the end of the day. I was just riffing on the joke she started and honestly, I thought she was keeping it going.

“Oh yeah,” I said in what I thought was an obviously joking voice. “Mitch loves jelly doughnuts. Especially the ones covered in powdered sugar. That man might be tall and thin, but he can eat a pound of powdered sugar. I do believe he snorts it like cocaine.”

Sally laughed and after some more chit chat, we said our goodbyes.

A week later, Mitch came to town for the video shoot. He wasn’t going to be in town long enough for dinner, but suggested I join him and Sally for lunch.

At lunch, Sally tried hard to give me the stink eye, but was too sweet of a person to maintain it. Finally, it came out. She had made a special trip that morning to Kirspy Kreme for a big box of jelly doughnuts, all covered in generous heaps of powdered sugar. She had put them in the center of the crafts table so Mitch would be sure to see them.

After Mitch ignored them for a few hours, she asked him why he hadn’t tried one.

“I’m not a fan of jelly doughnuts,” Mitch said. “Never have been.”

“What about powdered sugar?” Sally asked.

“That white stuff that sticks to your fingers?” he replied. “Can’t stand it.”

Sally was crushed until she finally got the nerve to explain to Mitch that she only got the donuts because I claimed that he loved them.

“And you believed him?” Mitch said.

During lunch, Sally chided me for fooling her and promised to get revenge on me some day. I apologized for misleading her.

“What happened to the doughnuts?” I asked.

“Nobody wanted them,” Sally said. “I’m going to throw them out. Unless you want them.”

“Oh God no,” I said. “I can’t stand them either.


Anonymous said...

Love this one. I had some colleagues at a restaurant where I waited tables tell me that the table I was about to approach was a family of people who were hard of hearing. Of course, I spoke very loudly while the whole staff watched from the back and fell over laughing.

Marissa said...

Great story. When waiting tables once, the hostess told me that the family I was about to approach was hard of hearing. Of course I went out shouting to them while the staff in the back rolled on the floor laughing and the people looked at me like I had 2 heads.

Vene said...

Poor "Sally." No good donut deed goes unpunished. And I'm with you on the jelly doughnuts. They're at the bottom of my list, right next to the maple bars.
* shudder *

Mickey Dubrow said...


I've never had a maple bar but it does sound damn scary. I don't even like maple syrup.