Monday, May 9, 2011

Ward, don't you think you were a bit rough on the beaver last night?

Initial box office returns for the Jodie Foster directed film "The Beaver" starring Mel Gibson indicate that the film is a bomb. Maybe, maybe not. It doesn't help that Foster is playing a vulnerable female when everyone knows she's a shrewd tough lady. Gibson's headline producing anti-semitic rants and alleged spousal abuse don't help much either.

I don't buy the anti-Mel angle. Being anti-semitic was exactly how he made a mint off "The Passion of the Christ." Many popular actors and most of all professional athletes are known for being abusive toward the women in their life and very few lose money or apparently sleep due to feelings of guilt over the matter.

But I always knew what the main problem is, what is basically the elephant in the room that everyone is ignoring. The problem is the fucking title. "The Beaver????" Does anyone who every spent time in the third grade not know that the word beaver is slang for vagina? And on that knowledge, are we to assume that the story is about an alcoholic dick of a man who passes out in a garbage dump and wakes up with a vagina puppet stuck to his hand and then spends the next ninety minutes of the movie fucking himself and everyone around him? Not that that's a bad premise for a movie. I've heard worse.

The makers of this film are treating it like its such an amazing ensemble acting experience with a deep touching story. Oh please. The trailer alone made me cringe. It was sad and over the top and not in a good way at all. They should have run with the title and sold it as a campy vainglorious train wreck. And if they insisted on being serious, use a different animal puppet. Anything that doesn't make us think of hairy female reproductive organs. The raccoon. The possum. The marsupial. Come on. There's a whole forrest out there they're missing because of one animal chewing on a tree. Or was that Mel chewing up the scenery?

No comments: