Friday, December 31, 2010

Looking Back at 2010




2011 is almost here. I decided to take a look back at the past year. So many things happened.

I won’t mention getting the new kitten. He gets enough free press as it is.

I didn’t win the lottery as I planned. Looks like I’ll have to come up with a new financial plan. I may even have to break down and try buying a ticket.

I checked my passport and sure enough, it is about to expire. Already I have a New Year’s resolution: renew my passport.

I saw Van Morrison at JazzFest. One of the best shows I've attended ever.

I got new tires for the car. Man, were they worn out. Glad I got that taken care of.

I finally convinced my mother that I don’t draw cartoons for the Cartoon Network. And I have finally accepted the fact that my mother will never understand what it is I do for a living.

I finally won my soul back from the Devil. If I weren’t such a Boggle addict, I’d never fall for his shenanigans. He offered to play me double or nothing. Double or nothing? What do I get if I win? He said I’d get a second soul, and I could pick from all the souls he’s bought. I told the Devil no thank you. I have enough to worry about as it is. Didn’t he know I just got a new kitten?

I had a good 2010. I truly believe 2011 will be even better.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Biscuit Rising



We have a new kitten. We named him Biscuit. He’s an orange tabby who is more beige than orange. He’s only been with us for a few days, but he is rapidly taking over the place.

His biggest task, after figuring out where to eat and crap, is how to win over the two adult female cats who weren’t exactly thrilled about the new addition to the feline community.



The oldest female, Francis, who is nineteen, smacked Biscuit on the head a few times, ate his food, and drank from his water dish just to let him know who’s the boss. Since then, she has mainly ignored his presence. She has been here the longest and has already seen a number of other cats come and go, so a new cat is something she’s learned to deal with.



Alice, the four year old, is having a much harder time accepting the new kid. She was the darling baby until he arrived and she’s not happy at the prospect of being treated as a middle child. She growled and swatted Biscuit when he came around her. She avoided us as well as him. But she is slowly coming around. I think she realized that Biscuit wasn’t leaving despite repeated complaints to management.

However, even emotional Alice is starting to become fascinated by Biscuit. It finally dawned on her that here was something new to play with. She’s much bigger and stronger, so they are slowly negotiating how to play together.

Overall, for a kitten that has only been in a new environment for less than a week, we are quite impressed by Biscuit and look forward to his future endeavors.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Customer Service









Since this is the season for shopping and buying more than we can afford, I got to thinking about what a pain in the ass it can be to go to a store and buy something. I hate it when a store gives me a hard time about taking my money.

I included the cartoon I did about my grandmother buying a toaster since it illustrates a rare pleasant buying experience.

I read an article in the paper about how companies like Best Buy and Compusa were having trouble competing against online electronics and appliance stores. Best Buy’s plan was to offer something to customers that they can’t get online. Namely, real life customer service and technical expertise.

Really? I wonder where Best Buy is going to find people adept at customer service and technical expertise to work in their stores since I’ve never found evidence of them being there in the past?

Way back when the economy was doing great and before the internet or housing bubble had burst, there were endless news articles about the outsourcing and sometimes deliberate death of customer service by large companies. Customer service has always been a problem for companies because its something they can’t directly charge the customer for. Companies know customer service is important, but they refuse to pay for it unless their very survival depends on. And sometimes even when they are drowning because they don’t provide sufficient support for their products, they still refuse.

The one time I was able to get a salesperson at Best Buy to actually speak to me, I asked him what he could tell me about a videocamera I wanted to buy as a gift. He read the outside of the package for me. Now I could have done that myself, but I wasn’t a technical expert like him.

Compusa was known for having the worst in store customer service around. The employees seem to take sadistic joy in being rude to customers with questions. I can’t believe they still exist.

If Home Depot hadn’t destroyed most of their competition, they would probably have gone out of business long before Arthur Blank had a chance to retire and buy the Atlanta Falcons. What is ironic about Home Depot is that they brag about great customer service. Let me give a personal example to prove that’s just not true.

My wife and I were adding a master suite to our house. We wanted a special size bathtub and went to the store to order it and make sure we were getting the right thing. We asked a salesperson how we would go about doing this. He became arrogant right away and insisted that we first needed to make an appointment to order something like that. The more we tried to question him about how this process of making an appointment was supposed to work and could we do it today, the more arrogant and unhelpful he became. He said we couldn’t order the tub today because we didn’t have an appointment. We couldn’t talk to the man who ordered the tubs because his schedule was full of previous appointments. Finally, we ignored this salesperson and went to a different salesperson sitting at desk not two yards away and asked him if we could make an appointment to order a tub. The second salesperson said we didn’t need an appointment, that he’d been sitting there with nothing to do all day and which tub were we interested in ordering? Since the first salesperson we spoke to didn’t have a note attached to his nametag explaining that he was an idiot and we shouldn’t believe a word he said, we assumed that he was a representative of Home Depot.

Later, I asked a builder if Home Depot floor walkers only ran and hid from customers they knew weren’t builders so that they could concentrate on those who knew the building products as well as they did and wouldn’t have to waste time explaining something to a novice? The builder assured me that the Home Depot floor walkers treated everyone, even builders, as if they had the plague and could become infected if one of use got within breathing distance of them.

I didn’t realize how bad the economy had become until the day I walked into a Home Depot (which I did only because I wasn’t close to the Lowe’s I normally go to) and a salesperson walked up to me and asked if I needed help. As it so happened I did, and the salesperson actually took me to the right aisle. I wanted to tell the salesperson to hang in there. Soon the recession would be over and she could go back to ignoring customers again.

There are so many companies that deserve mention for horrible customer service, but the one company that amazes me more than any other that they are still in business is Blockbuster. Their salespeople’s knowledge of movies seemed non-existent and they were consistently rude. But the worst thing about Blockbuster was that they stole from their customers with bogus late fees. I got to the point where I stopped using the return slot. Instead, I handed the movie to the person at the front desk and then demanded that they give me a receipt that proved I returned the movie on time.

If companies treated customers badly in the past, then they shouldn’t be surprised when customers abandon them when a better choice comes along. Places like Home Depot, Best Buy, Compusa, and Blockbuster didn’t have as much competition as they do today. Like most large companies, they were shortsighted. They forgot that something better is always around the corner. Maybe they don’t want to pay for good customer service, but in the long run, it always pays off.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Obama makes deal with Republicans


Sadly, the Republicans are only programmed to say "Tax cuts for the rich!"

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I Wonder...

Why do people have such a hard time spelling my name?



It's Mickey. Not Mikey or Mickie or Meekee.



There's even a song to help you remember. "M-I-C...see you next week...K-E-Y...Why? Because it's that damn easy to spell."




When I mentioned a song about my name, I bet you thought of Toni Basil's "Mickey."




I bet right now you're singing, "Oh Mickey, you're so fine. You're so fine, you blow my mind."




Did you know that Toni Basil was in "Easy Rider?" It's true. Look it up on imdb.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I Wonder...


Why do witches wear brass bras?



Is that why their tits are so cold or is it because they commonly reside in frigid climates?



If their tits are that cold, I bet their nipples get really hard.




Hard enough to cut glass.




Really I'm just obsessed with tits.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Wonder...


Do aliens think we're retarded?




We dream incessantly about space travel, but we haven't gotten a man any farther than the moon and it's right next to us.




We don't even have our own fucking jetpacks yet.




Do aliens capture people and give them anal probes to send a message to the rest of us?




Are they saying, "Hey, we could fuck your planet in the ass if we felt like it?"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I Wonder...


Do werewolves love snow as much as dogs do?



Do they stick their nose in it and snuffle about?



Do they prance among the falling flakes?




Do they write their names in snowbanks with the blood of their victims?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

When The Cat's Away


"My wife! My best friend! My SQUEAKY TOYS!"

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Nature of Fear


"Did you bring me a present?"

Monday, November 15, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Sketches

It's been some time since I last posted any of my sketches. High time to post some new ones.






Monday, November 1, 2010

Death Metal Band Names

I happen to notice some of the names for Death Metal bands. They're purposely depressing and aggressive, reflecting the doom and destruction in their music. Their names inspired me to come up with this game. Below are a list of Death Metal Band Names. Most of them are real, but a few were made up by me. See if you can guess which ones aren't actual band names. There is no prize for getting it right, just to the joy of playing the game.



1. Dying Fetus
2. Death Angel
3. Mass Burial
4. Decrepit Birth
5. Masochistic Cherry
6. Burden of Grief
7. Misery Speaks
8. Eternal Suffering
9. Venemous Concept
10. Cerebral Bone
11. Mother’s Disappointment
12. Hail of Bullets
13. Autopsy
14. Dawn of Ashes
15. My Little Antichrist
16. Crest of Darkness
17. Arch Enemy
18. Lord of Hate
19. Enemy of the Sun
20. Coldplay





(The made up names are numbers 5, 11 and 15. Number 20 was a trick question. Though their music has been know to cause extreme levels of agitation bordering on psychotic rage in some listeners, they are not technically a Death Metal band.)

Monday, October 25, 2010

More "Sexy" Halloween Costume Suggestions


SEXY HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER
You’re neither humane nor resourceful, but I still can’t resist you.



SEXY JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
(I never did come up with a good caption for this one. I'm open to suggestions)

AND NOW THE SPECIAL ROCK N' ROLL EDITION OF THE "SEXY" HALLOWEEN COSTUME SUGGESTIONS


SEXY SHAGGS
Forget the witches, goblins, Frankensteins and zombies.
Tramps, Cinderellas, pirates, angels and gypsies.
It’s Shaggs Halloween Costume.
It’s Shaggs Halloween Costume.




SEXY YOKO ONO
We have many Sexy Yokos to choose from. Here are our three most popular: Sexy Wedding Yoko, Sexy New York Yoko, and Sexy Two Virgins Yoko.
Also available: Sexy Avant Garde Artist Yoko and Sexy Professional Widow Yoko.




SEXY MIDDLE AGE GROUPIE
Rock n' roll never forgets you. Especially that time in 1982 at that Holiday Inn in Topeka.

Friday, October 22, 2010

"Sexy" Halloween Costume Suggestions

Every year there are more choices for "sexy" Halloween costumes available for purchase. While mainly for women, men have their choices too. The word "sexy" really should be replaced with the word "slutty." And though there are many slutty outfits out there, here are some that were missed.

My thanks for Sparkle Plenty for coming up with "Sexy Crazy Cat Lady" and to Kate for "Sexy Anthropologist."




SEXY FEMINIST
"Let me be the bicycle for your fish"
(and no that's not a vagina joke)



SEXY CRAZY CAT LADY
"We both agree that you can never have too much pussy."
(Ouch, that joke hurt.)




SEXY ANTHROPOLOGIST
"You can observe me in my natural habitat any time you like."




SEXY SECRETARY OF STATE
Available in Blue or Red

Thursday, October 21, 2010