Place: Atlanta, GA
One of the joys of turning 50 is getting that first colonoscopy. I never realized how many of them are done during colonoscopy day at the hospital. I was put on a colonoscopy assembly line.
I had to fill out a form when I arrived, which made sense. Then, I had to fill out another form on a clipboard after I had changed into my hospital gown and been placed on a gurney. A pleasant Indian woman handed me the form to fill out after she had inserted an IV in my arm.
The second form seemed redundant to me. It was almost identical to the first. However, one question on this form hadn’t been on the form I filled out earlier. It read “Female Problems?” and then there was a line on which to specific which ones I possessed.
On that line, I wrote “Not since I got married.”
The Indian woman took my completed form, checked my IV, and walked away. A few minutes later, she came back with the clipboard. She pointed to my form.
“I am very interested in the answer you wrote for this question,” she said. “I would like some clarification.”
“Oh that,” I said. “You know, just a little joke. A little ha ha.”
“So, were you a problem for females?” she asked. “Or were females a problem for you?”
“A little of both,” I said. “But I’ve had no problems with females since I got married.”
“You’re sure about that?” she asked.
Well, I was definitely having a problem with one at that moment, but I didn’t say that. I didn’t want to piss off the woman who controlled the IV in my arm.
“Well, you have to admit, that ‘female problems’ can seem humorous to a man when he sees it on a questionnaire,” I said.
“I thought what you wrote was humorous,” she said.
“Thank you,” I said.
“And you are sure you are no longer experiencing female problems?” she asked.
“Marriage cleared them right up,” I said.
“Good to hear,” she said.