Thursday, June 26, 2008

The answer to all our questions

If you're like me, you've driven by a church and seen written on the sign outside, "No matter what the question, Jesus is the answer." Or perhaps you've seen it written on a bumper sticker. And if you're like me, you've wondered, "Really? No matter what the question? That would mean any question."

I know I'm not the only one who has tested this statement for its accuracy. Here are some of the situations where I did just that.

I'd love to hear of any other questions that need the Jesus answer test.


Sparkle Plenty said...

"Do you know how fast you were going back there, sir?"
"Well, there's no need to take the lord's name in vain, sir. Look, why don't I let it slide this time?"
"Why, you no good son-of-a. STEP OUT! STEP OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"

"Timmy honey, would you like some more Tater Tots?"
"WELL! I never! You may just march off to your room with no more Tater Tots and no chocolate cake, young man! ZERO chocolate cake. How do you like them apples?"
"You're grounded, mister."

Theme from Jeopardy
"He was famous for founding the 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise, and rose to--"
"Yes, Ron?"
"Ooooh. No. I'm so very sorry. The correct answer is-"
"I mean, WHO WAS JESUS?!"
"It's too late and you're wrong anyway. the correct answer is 'Who was Harland Sanders?"'

Mickey Dubrow said...

OMG that is great! My wife and I are on the floor laughing.

Sparkle Plenty said...

Question: To whom will Mickey and his lovely wife send the dry cleaning bills from rolling around the floor laughing?
Answer: JESUS! 'cause Sparkle is a spendthrift and Jesus saves, thus must have money to spare.

:-) I could come up with endless questions for this one! GREAT idea, Mickey. (Hi, wife! Glad I gave ya a laugh!)

jessica said...

There is a least one company that puts out those catchy little phrases that churches put on their message boards, things like "JES-S, the only thing missing is U," and so forth.

I've heard that church offices subscribe to their service, but this is anecdotal info.

I have long wanted to pitch a feature to someone about one of those message companies, sort of the same way Jennifer 8. Lee wrote a book about fortune cookies (with a section about their message writers), but honestly, that's a back burner thing lately.

Hmmm, there's a marquee message in that, too. Burner, hell, something...

Jilly said...

Would you like a refill of your coffee?


How long have you had a burning sensation during urination?


What about our job advertisement appealed to you?


Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party?


What's your new book about?