Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Safety in Numbers

Time: 1986
Place: Atlanta, GA

I used to date a girl who was very cautious about sex. She wasn’t satisfied with just one method of birth control. She insisted on the combination of a condom and spermicidal foam. If we only had one of the two, there would be no intercourse that night.

I had no problem adhering to her precautions. I had gotten a girl pregnant when I was a teenager, so I was all for safe sex, the safer the better. What bugged me was that we were always running out of birth control supplies. Though my girlfriend had to have her spermicidal foam, she hated buying it. She would never go to the drugstore unless she had to buy other stuff, hoping that the cashier wouldn’t notice her box of sperm destroying foam injectors.

One Saturday afternoon, we were fooling around when we discovered that we were out of condoms and foam.

“Come on,” I said, “let’s go to the drugstore.”

“But, I don’t need anything from the drugstore,” she said.

“You don’t want to have sex?” I asked.

“Oh, I want to have sex something terrible, but I couldn’t bring myself to go in and only buy the foam.”

“First time for everything. Put your bra back on, we’re going to the store.

She was going to do it. She was going to go inside the drugstore, buy a box of spermicidal foam and nothing else, but she only made it as far as the drugstore’s parking lot.

“I can’t do it,” she cried, “I’m too embarrassed.”

“Fine,” I said. “Write down the name of the foam. I’m going in there and buy it, while you wait here in the car. I might as well, the foam is for me too.”

My girlfriend wrote down then name of her preferred brand of foam on a sheet of paper. Inside the store, I found the foam, and was about to grab the same box I remembered my girlfriend used, when I realized that she always bought the smallest box. There was a jumbo box with four times as many spermicidal foam injectors right next to it. She never had the nerve to get the larger box even though it would have meant fewer visits back to the store.

Well, I had the nerve. I wanted a longer lasting supply of birth control at home and I didn’t care who knew it. I grabbed the biggest box of foam injectors and the biggest box of condoms the drugstore carried, and I marched up the front register. The cashier was half asleep with boredom until she saw what I was buying.

“OOOOWHEEEE!,” shouted the cashier. “Somebody gonna be partyin’ tonight!”

“Well, I wasn’t planning on using it all in one night,” I said.


No Name Me said...

That is so freaking funny! Hope you are doing well and are settling back in from your trips!

Laina said...

Good for people to know.