Friday, November 30, 2007

Tiffany Gone Wild

Year 2006
Place Atlanta, GA

I heard this story from a co-worker who I will call Dan. His sister who I will call Jolene and her second husband who I will call Jimbo were having trouble with Jolene’s teenaged daughter who I will call Tiffany.

Tiffany had gone plumb wild. She was dating a biker who I will call Scar. Tiffany skipped school and didn’t come home for days at a time. Tiffany ignored anything Jolene and Jimbo told her to do.

“Fuck you,” was Tiffany’s typical response, followed by, “You don’t own me, bitch.”

One day, Jimbo came home from work. He thought he was in the house alone. Jolene was still at work and Tiffany hadn’t been seen for days. Jimbo walked into his bedroom and there in his bed, naked and screwing like crazed weasels, was Tiffany and Scar.

“What the hell is going on here?” shouted Jimbo.

While Tiffany quickly covered herself with a bed sheet, Scar reached over to his jeans on the floor, pulled a large pistol out of the front pocket, and pointed the weapon in Jimbo’s face.

“Get the fuck out of here, motherfucker,” Scar growled. “How dare you walk in on me and my girl.”

“But, but, but,” Jimbo stammered, “this is my bedroom. In my house.”

“Don’t argue with me, shithead,” said Scar. “Now get out before I blow your fool head off.”

Jimbo vacated the bedroom. In fact, he vacated the house. He drove to the nearest bar and had a shot of Bourbon to settle his nerves. His nerves were still unsettled, so he had four more. Jimbo didn’t go back home until he was sure Scar had left.

The next day, Jolene was about to confront Tiffany about what happened, Tiffany beat her to the punch.

“That was very rude of Jimbo to walk in on me and Scar like that,” Tiffany said. “He was a real asshole.”

“Tiffany!” Jolene said. “For God sakes, you were in our bedroom. What is wrong with you?”

After some cross accusations, Jolene grounded Tiffany, who then stormed out of the house and didn’t return for four days.

“I just don’t know what to do with that child,” Jolene told Dan on the phone. “Maybe I should have shown her more discipline when she was younger?”

“You think?” Dan said.

Dan shook his head in dismay when he told me the story.

“I just don’t get it,” Dan told me. “I grew up knowing better than to act like Tiffany. My sister grew up knowing better. My kids are growing up knowing better. How Tiffany ended like this is a complete mystery. Nobody can believe she’s a member of our family.”

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