Sunday, August 26, 2007

A Tempting Offer


Time: 1978
Place: Knoxville, Tennessee

During my last two years in college, I lived in a large house with three other guys. When we threw a keg party, the house would get packed with our friends and people I’d never seen before and never would see again. The music was loud, the beer and the drugs flowed freely, the girls got drunk, and the guys got stinking drunk.

I was so inebriated at one of our keg parties; I was unable to get off the floor. I had sat down on the floor of my roommate’s room to talk to some of our guests, and then found I couldn’t get back up. Luckily, there was a guy sitting next to me who was in the same predicament as me.

“Hi, my name’s George,” he said, “and I can’t stand up.”

“What a coincidence,” I said, “neither can I.”

George and I had a very nice conversation about how being able to walk upright was overrated. We were trying to decide if girls’ asses looked better if you’re sitting on the floor when we heard this guy yelling in the hallway.

“Who wants to get their ass kicked?” the guy bellowed. “Now come on! Who wants to get their ass kicked?”

“I do!” George shouted, holding up his hand.

If the guy heard George, he didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he kept saying over and over again, “Who wants to get their ass kicked?” His voice became fainter as he stumbled down the hallway and out of the house. Maybe he had better luck on the street.

George shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, he asked,” George said.

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